Glendale Therapy Blog

by Madlen Pashinian
The beginning of a relationship is always exciting! You meet someone, the chemistry is there, and you can’t stop thinking about him or her. You start dressing nicer, and have an unexplained smile on your face just because. Things between you are amazing and you put your best foot forward in order to impress them. So now you’re in a relationship with this person for quite some time, you know something isn’t right, you feel it in your gut, and you’re not sure if you should stay in the relationship or leave.
Here are some signs that you may be in an unhealthy relationship.

1. Trust. Do you trust your partner? Do you find yourself cruising through social media or their phone looking for signs that they are cheating? If you don’t trust your partner and you believe they are cheating, then this is a sign that you may be in an unhealthy relationship.
2. Fighting Dirty. If you and your partner fight dirty, meaning call each other names, and make threats like, “if you leave me, no one else will love you! Or, if you leave me, I will hurt you/me”. This may be a sign that you are in an unhealthy relationship. When you argue with your partner, there should be no reason for name-calling or any other type of abuse. This can kill the relationship and really wound your self-esteem.
3. Communication.  Do you feel like you are unable to talk to your partner and really tell them what’s bothering you? Or when you do tell them, your needs go ignored? This also may be a sign that you are in an unhealthy relationship. Do you feel that there is no the point and even talking to them because they will get upset with you or put you down for vocalizing your needs and concerns.
4. Break up to make up. Contrary to popular belief, it is very unhealthy to fight just to make up. This causes a huge strain in the relationship and breaks the trust. It can also cause severe anxiety between partners, because they may believe that at any time the other may leave.
5. Emotional Support. You feel drained all the time because there is no emotional support from your partner. There is no mutual respect, and you feel like you are stuck in the gutter with no way out.
6. Physical and Verbal Abuse. It is never okay, under ANY circumstances, for your partner to be physically and verbally abusive with you. If you are in an abusive relationship and are afraid of getting out, there is help for you available! Love should NEVER hurt!

By Jason Thompson

Why am I depressed?  Shouldn’t I be able to just “snap” out of it?
No, you can’t just snap out of it and here is a little basic science to help you understand why not.  You’ve heard over and over that depression is either your own fault for not sucking it up and moving on or it’s a chemical imbalance.  There are factors too numerous to count that may be contributing to a persons depression and no two people suffer for the same reasons.  Your genetic makeup, the way you were born, plays a significant role in your susceptibility or resistance to depression.  Your experiences both physical and emotional from childhood to present have an impact as well.  The way you think about and perceive your situation also contribute the length and depth of depression.  It’s also possible that the neurons that produce or receive the feel good chemicals are atrophied or not working properly.
For these and other reasons just snapping out of it is really not an option.  The road to feeling better is likely a combination of time, allowing the brain to grow or repair the receptors for those feel good chemicals and growth to produce more of the chemicals (neurotransmitters).  Changing your environment can be helpful in giving you a new perspective.  Rethinking the way you look at your situation can literally physically change the brain and its chemical production.  Your diet may also impact your mood.  Too much or too little physical activity is another major factor in mental health.  There is a lot of healing that needs to happen both physically and emotionally. There is no one size fits all solution so it’s best to seek professional help in tailoring a path to feeling better.  Don’t beat yourself up if it takes time, it’s normal that it’s taking time.

By Madlen Pashinian
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Whether you’re going through a break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, or you’re going through a divorce, breakups could be extremely painful and heartbreaking. We could feel betrayal, heart ache, sadness or even feel like it will never be ok. We can feel so many things at the same time, it is hard to really think clearly and know what are the right things to do. So what can we do? How can we recover from a break up or a divorce?
First, we need to allow ourselves to really feel and accept what has happened. Often, we try to deny or even rationalize the break up. We begin to make excuses or even tell ourselves that there was something we could have done, or if we change then maybe we can have the person back in our lives. However, after a few failed attempts to mend things, we quickly realize that the break up is here to stay. Don’t sit and reminisce about the good times in your relationship, recognize the bad times, and remember how hard the fights were, or how hurt you used to feel.
The best thing to do after a break up is to take all of that energy and focus on mending things, and turning them towards rebuilding ourselves. Begin focusing on re-loving yourself and putting yourself first. Breakups can make us feel broken inside, so the best thing to do is rebuild ourselves to who we used to be or who we strive to be. Spend some time with good / caring friends, and stay away from talking about how to get back with your ex, or what others are saying about your ex. This is
YOUR time now, talk about what YOU are up to. And I can’t stress this enough but this is the time for you to be SELFISH! Do some new activities you have always wanted to try, take up exercise even if it’s a 15-minute walk, rearrange your closet and donate some old clothes that you don’t wear anymore. Do at least one selfish thing a day, because you deserve it!
Lastly, I know this one will be hard but… cut off all communications with your ex completely! I know this may be hard for people who have children with their ex, and with this situation, keep the contact to extreme minimum. You don’t owe anyone anything right now except yourself. You need time to completely heal from the break up, and when the time if right, you can (if you want) have a civil relationship with them. Don’t stalk them on social media and try to see what they are up to, don’t make excused to call or “run into” them, don’t ask their friends about how they are doing, just focus on you!
Break ups are hard, but trust me, you will get through this and you will learn
something very valuable about yourself in the end!

The real you does not come out when you’re drinking alcohol…
By Jason Thompson
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So you’ve probably heard someone say that the real you comes out when you’re drinking.  Well, that’s really not the case.  When you drink alcohol Glutamate production is slowed.  Glutamate is like your brains personal cheerleader and inspirational speaker, it motivates new activity in the brain and it helps to keep current activity moving along to its goal.  It stimulates new neuronal activity and helps keep firing neurons firing.  Yo Gabba Gabba, wait, not that kind of Gabba.  The calming effects of GABA are increased really making Glutamates cheerleading job difficult.  GABA is a neurotransmitter that slows things down in the brain.  It’s always saying “hey, relax there’s no rush.”  Dopamine production is increased. Dopamine is like the Pharrell of neurotransmitters it makes you “Happy.”
So here you are with your Cheerleader sitting on the bench the person telling you to chill out pretty much in charge and the Happy song in the background.  Does this sound like a typical day for you?  If so please contact 1-800-662-HELP (4357).  For the majority of people this is not you.  The you that is most you is present when you are most sober.  The more you drink the further you move from the person you are when everything is moving along like it should.

By Madlen Pashinian

​Divorce can be sad, confusing, and stressful for children of any age. They may feel angry with their parents, and even angry with themselves. It can be though for them to really talk about what they are experiencing internally, because they may feel that they don’t want to burden others with their feelings and therefore make things worse. Some children may even blame themselves for the divorce or not being able to stop it from happening.
As a parent, it can be really difficult to know the correct way to support your children during such a time, especially because these parents are also going through tough times. The good news is these parents CAN successfully help their children during these distressing time, and they can still help their kids still feel loved and confident.
Here are some quick tips on helping kids adjust to a divorce.

• Don’t be afraid to sit and talk to your children about what is happening, but not in an aggressive manner where you blame your ex-spouse for the divorce. This will only cause your children to withdraw and feel shame for caring about their other parent.
• Remind your kids how much you love and care for them and let them know that can come to you with questions and concerns.
• Don’t give out too much information, make sure what you tell them is age appropriate.
• Do give enough information where the child understands that divorce happens to many families and they care still loved by their families.
• Do encourage them to talk to you, and really listen to what their concerns may be, and clarify and misunderstandings that they may have in a caring and supportive manner.

Divorce is usually a really difficult time for families, and the children need their parents more than ever. Madlen Pashinian works with children and families and offers free consultations to those interested in learning more!

By Madlen Pashinian

​What would you give in order to successfully communicate with your child or adolescent? Sometimes, talking to your child feels like you’re talking to a wall, going into a battle field where you are on opposite sides, instead of a team. We all know the communication with your children is key to trust, love and an overall healthy relationship.
It could be really hard to get through to your child or adolescent, which may make you upset. You may yell or say things you don’t mean, which only pushes your child further away. The good news is that you can revolutionize the way you communicate with your child or adolescent with a few simple changes to your technique.
Start by trying to remember what you were like at their age. Putting yourself in the same mindset as your child may help you see things from their perspective, but what about the way that they feel? Try to remember how your parents made you feel when you were at that age and why. What were the things they sad that made you feel angry, sad, happy, anxious? Could what you say or how you act, cause the same feelings in your child?
Next, try chaining your tone and choice of words. We all know it’s hard not to yell, especially after you have told them to clean their room about 100 times. Instead of yelling, “Go clean your room right now, or else!” try saying why you would like them to clean their room and how much it would help you out. For example, try expressing your wishes with a statement such as:
“ Sweetheart, I know you’re busy with homework, but I have been working all day long and if you could help me by cleaning your room, it would really make me happy and less stressed, thank you so much!” Same request, completely different delivery – and better outcome!
Instead of talking at your children, talk TO your children. Hear them out so they can hear you!

Parental Education for all types of parents.


Being a parent is not always easy. We all try to do the best job that we can; however, children do not come with instructions! Luckily, in Parent Education groups, you can learn the proper skills to use everyday with your children. Here you will learn what type of a parent you are and what type of a parent you can become. You can also voice your concerns about your children, and listen to other parents who may be struggling with the same challenges that you experience.
Becoming an educated parent will allow you to really understand your child or adolescent. Whether you’re a new parent, someone who is thinking of becoming a parent, or simply want a better relationship with your child, these parenting groups are for you.
Here are some great skills you can learn and use everyday with your children.

• How to talk to your children so they will hear you
• How to listen to your children so they can talk to you
• Help to manage your child/adolescent’s feelings
• What to do when you have a child who is out of control
• Parent yourself so you can parent your children

These Parenting Groups in Glendale are now being offered at an affordable rate and convenient time.
Please feel free to call today for your free consultation and more information about Parent Education Groups at (323) 682-8617.
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Hi everyone!
I’d like to introduce Madlen Pashinian, Marriage and Family Therapist Intern under my supervision! Madlen has excellent clinical skills and will be starting a Parenting Group in Glendale! Here’s all the information you need, feel free to contact her for a free consultation if you’re interested in joining this group!
Kindest regards,
Rachel

Happy Monday Everybody!
Today, Oprah and Deepak Chopra kick off the first of their 21-day meditation experience. I participated last time and it was an incredible experience. I highly recommend you take advantage of this! The focus of this 21-day experience is “Finding Your Flow”, and I think that’s totally appropriate for spring. You’ll have a specific meditation focus and mantra each day to follow along with. If you’ve never really meditated before, this is the perfect place to start because the guidance that is provided is excellent!
Sometimes the universe sends us exactly what we need at jus the right time. So if you need some focus or if your flow could use a little fine-tuning, don’t miss out on this incredible opportunity, because each meditation will only be available for 5 days.
Sign up here: https://chopracentermeditation.com/experience
Hope you’ll join me!
Rachel

Here’s a different approach to changing a bad habit: Look at what’s stopping you in the first place and change that!
For example, I often fall asleep watching TV on the couch. Even though I know I should just go to bed I delay the process by one episode of Chopped after another. The fact that it’s painful for me to wake up and make it down the stairs to get to bed once I’ve dozed off apparently doesn’t stop me. Neither does the fact that when this happens and I do make my way to bed, my sleep is disturbed and I have trouble going back to sleep.
Seriously?! There’s got to be a better way than giving into this temptation every night. Apparently, trying to “just going straight to bed” isn’t working and isn’t ever going to work. There’s a reason I’m not doing it, and if I focus on whatever is blocking me, I’ll be more likely to have some success.
I know what you’re guessing, and that’s not it. My love for TV is not what’s stopping me, because there’s a TV in my bedroom, that can’t be it. What’s stopping me is the laborious task of getting ready for bed. For me, this includes removing my contacts (which by this time are glued to my eye balls), removing my makeup (ugh waterproof mascara!), flossing, brushing, eye cream, moisturizer… all things which seem to take an eternity when all I’m trying to do is get into my bed!
I’ve found a new solution that does not include scorning myself for falling asleep on the couch or making empty promises to “try harder from now on”. My solution is but one simple behavior change: I complete all these nighttime hygiene tasks hours before bedtime. This way, I don’t have to dread the time spent at the sink and can just hop into bed (assuming I didn’t have a cookie after said routine)! Doing them when I have energy saves me from having to even think about them when I’m exhausted.
So, what’s a habit you’re trying to break? Chances are you haven’t been successful because you’ve been sticking with the same behavior and hoping for stronger willpower. Find a trick that will make the process easier. A good place to start is by looking at what stands in the way of you actually doing it!
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