by Madlen Pashinian
I hear it from couples who start counseling almost all the time, “I wanted to come in and work on our problems when they started, but my partner said we didn’t need it, now they wants to come in but it's too late!”
Often, one partner becomes unhappy in the relationship when their needs are not being met, and they approach the other partner regarding his or her unhappiness. Yet, due to a lack of appropriate communication skills, nothing gets resolved. The couple fights, has a screaming match, and a battle of who could say the meanest words to each other. These words, of course, come from pain and resentment. What’s the next step? Do you talk about it or do you just push it down into your gut and pretend like nothing ever happened? Or do you buy the love back with gifts and expensive trips? But where does that really leave your relationship?
Here are some quick tips on how to start the process of working on your relationship.
I hear it from couples who start counseling almost all the time, “I wanted to come in and work on our problems when they started, but my partner said we didn’t need it, now they wants to come in but it's too late!”
Often, one partner becomes unhappy in the relationship when their needs are not being met, and they approach the other partner regarding his or her unhappiness. Yet, due to a lack of appropriate communication skills, nothing gets resolved. The couple fights, has a screaming match, and a battle of who could say the meanest words to each other. These words, of course, come from pain and resentment. What’s the next step? Do you talk about it or do you just push it down into your gut and pretend like nothing ever happened? Or do you buy the love back with gifts and expensive trips? But where does that really leave your relationship?
Here are some quick tips on how to start the process of working on your relationship.
- Try to talk to your partner about your feelings, or else they will never know! No one is a mind-reader.
- When talking, come from a caring and loving place, instead of a mean and resentful place.
- Listen to what your partner is saying, instead of thinking of a “come back”.
- Learn how to forgive each other, including yourself!
- Don’t wait until it’s too late to get couple’s counseling, after all, your relationship deserves the work just like other aspects in your life!