By Madlen Pashinian
If you have ever been in a long-term relationship or marriage, you can understand how the relationship may lose its spark, or become boring. Even worse, you may be fighting excessively. In fact, you may even have trouble speaking with each other, or you stop hearing what your partner is trying to say, so you just give up. As time goes on, nothing gets resolved, and now you have found yourself in a rut and don’t know how to get out.
If you are at this point, in your long-term relationship or marriage, then counseling can be very beneficial for you and your partner. Until then, here are some 4 things you want to stay away from at all times, whether you’re in a long-term relationship or marriage, or you’re just beginning a relationship.
Relationship Guru, John Gottman, refers to these four relationship killers as the “Four Horseman of the Apocalypse”.
If you have ever been in a long-term relationship or marriage, you can understand how the relationship may lose its spark, or become boring. Even worse, you may be fighting excessively. In fact, you may even have trouble speaking with each other, or you stop hearing what your partner is trying to say, so you just give up. As time goes on, nothing gets resolved, and now you have found yourself in a rut and don’t know how to get out.
If you are at this point, in your long-term relationship or marriage, then counseling can be very beneficial for you and your partner. Until then, here are some 4 things you want to stay away from at all times, whether you’re in a long-term relationship or marriage, or you’re just beginning a relationship.
Relationship Guru, John Gottman, refers to these four relationship killers as the “Four Horseman of the Apocalypse”.
- Criticism: During an argument or conversation, you attack or belittle your partner’s character in order to prove yourself right.
- Contempt: Attacking your partner verbally so calling them hurtful names, mockery and using passive aggressiveness in order to get your point across. Body language also falls into this category, for example, when your partner is expressing their feelings, rolling your eyes or looking down at your phone.
- Defensiveness: Being defensive, making excuses for your actions, blaming your partner for all the faults, and victimizing yourself, are all examples of defensiveness.
- Stonewalling: This is where the partner uses the “silent treatment” or any form of withdrawing distancing yourself from your partner without any explanation. This time of disconnect, may also cause anxiety.