How do I know if he’s the one?

Here’s one of the top questions women ask me:
How do I know if he’s THE ONE? 


Let’s start by changing that to “the one for me”, otherwise I’m sure there would be a DNA test to make this whole thing a lot easier. Next, like it or not, falling in love and getting married are pretty big risks to take, sometimes things can go wrong, but the reason we take this leap of faith is because when things go right, it’s really, really great. You’ll never be 100% sure if you’re “meant to be” with this person, but you can make an educated guess and an informed decision, one smarter than “because I love him” or “we’ve already been together for so long”. Here’s my essential checklist to help you start thinking about weather or not he really is “the one”.

• Your friends and family like him. Remember, these are the people who care about you the most, if most of them have a strong feeling one way or the other, you should probably listen.
• You feel comfortable around him. Without makeup, ordering and finishing a plate of fries, watching dumb movies, you just know you can be yourself around him.
• You’re growing in the same direction. People, and relationships evolve over time and sometimes people grown in different directions and their partner’s don’t fit their lives anymore. If, for the most part, you’ve changed in ways that still allows your partner to be a part of your life, then chances are they always will.
• You can fight. People ask me all the time if it’s okay to fight with your spouse. Of course it’s okay, as long as you fight fair. If you don’t get violent, if you don’t bring up things things that happened 3 years ago, if you don’t throw in the kitchen sink, and probably most importantly: if you don’t say or do things that you have to regret for a long time after your fight, you’re good!
• They bring out the best in you. My personal favorite, if you want to be a better person and start taking the steps to improve yourself, you’ve probably found “the one”. Now, please understand that by improving yourself I don’t mean wearing a push up bra and starving yourself to look like someone you think this guy wants to date, I mean you become a kinder, smarter, happier, healthier version of yourself because you’ve found inner peace and joy.
• You respect him. I think words like love, like, and trust are thrown around a lot (and that’s okay, we can all use a lot more love in the world). But respect is reserved for very special people in our lives, people we look up to and admire, people with high moral integrity, and people who, at their core are just plain good.

I know this list is not an all-encompassing checklist or as specific as a magic 8-ball, but it’s a good place to start. If you’ve got tips of your own, please share them in the comments below, I’d love to hear them. Also- if you liked this article and want to read more, make sure to subscribe!
Happy Monday,
Rachel
Los Angeles Therapy